I think something has really changed in me. I can't be 100% sure, but I feel like I'm actually making progress in a big way regarding weight loss. I'm finding, as it turns out, that all those horrible cliche's about making changes are true. Namely, *cliche count #1* taking things one day at a time.
This Transformation thing is really just amazing so far. I just started week 3 yesterday and I've lost 7 lbs total. 3 the first week and 4 the second week. I've really just turned myself over to this process instead of mentally fighting every step, every second, every day. Fighting with myself was exhausting. Especially the part where I was in constant denial of my body, size, and health. Getting into a sports bra and shorts and having your picture taken by someone you don't know was come to baby Jesus time for me. Actually seeing said picture was a wake up call. No more denial. DONE.
I've had this nasty habit of projecting myself into the future when it comes to losing weight. I'd start a new plan and then project my weight loss of (x pounds) and then just day dream about what it would be like to be at that weight. All the things I could do, all the cute clothes I could wear. I'd imagine my new life almost so vivid that I'd forget where I actually was...still fat. I could never just focus on one day. It would always be big picture. I'd want the end result without putting the daily work, simply put.
This time I'm literally cutting myself off from thinking about the future. I'll catch myself and then just bring myself back to what's going on RIGHT NOW. Because *cliche count #2* right now is all you really have. Even when I get "there" I'll still only have that present day. It's not like I'll get to my goal and the world will stop and I'll exist only in this fantasy land I've imagined for myself where I'm thinner.
The second big thing I've been coming up against is just how much I'd sabotage my weight loss efforts. I know everyone says don't weigh yourself every day. And, really I understand why, but it's just something I'm not ready to give up yet. It turns out, it's been beneficial in my understanding of just how far the rabbit hole goes when it comes to me getting in my own way. I realized this past week that really no matter what the scale said it was never good enough and was always a reason to derail myself. If the number was good, I'd reward myself with overindulgence and inactivity telling myself I deserved it. If it was a number I didn't want to see, I'd say fuck it and give up for the day, or week or month. I was constantly setting myself up for failure and honestly I didn't really even know that that's what I was doing.
By weighing in daily (still) and even when the number stays the same or goes up a pound I still do what I know is best for me. I've been doing this regardless of what the scale says and eventually the number drops. I can be up a pound from the previous day and then the next down two pounds. I've noticed that trend in the past two weeks and it makes me wonder how many times I've had a great day, stepped on the scale the following morning only to see it UP a pound and then thrown in the towel. If I had just trusted my body I would have found that it probably would have come off two fold, the very next day! I know everyone says your weight day to day fluctuates based on so many factors *cliche #3*, but I just didn't really believe it. I took the number on the scale and equated it to my own self worth. I still do this and probably will for a long time, but at least now I'm aware of it and can start to work on it instead of being in total denial.
Really, what this is boiling down to lately is I'm learning how to get out of my own way. It's a good feeling and I highly recommend it. 5 stars to trusting the process!
I don't want to sound too preachy or pushy, but if you're interested in Transformation, Bill Phillips hosts week long intensives were people fly in from all over the country and world. He also has a local program which is what I'm doing. Any locals out there? There's an open house on Sunday from 2-4. Here's the link
http://www.transformation.com/
Don't be put off by Bill's awkwardness on camera or the "infomercial" feel. It makes me giggle.
It's funny how we wind up sabotaging our own weight loss efforts, isn't it? It's so weird how we can understand what we need to do and still mess up while knowing that we're messing up. Take a look at the video in my link; it goes over some of the underlying reasons why we do this, and if you enjoy Bill, I think you'll like it.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part of weight loss is knowing what's the head stuff and what's the body stuff. Surgery shined a big old flashlight on how much head shit I had to work on. You're calling yourself on the behavior and that's a huge part of it. Sounds like you're doing this the smart way.
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