The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad bike ride

It’s best to faint while already lying down, or near a padded surface like carpet. Fainting on concrete hurts, trust me. Yesterday, I fainted…on concrete. Hard concrete. Let me back up a bit.

Yesterday we planned to ride our bikes from downtown Denver to Golden. It’s about 20 miles one way. Our route was 19.6 to be exact. I’ve ridden 30 miles before on the road bike and while I’m tired after I finish, I’m not like “pass out” tired. I knew that riding 40 miles round trip would be further than I’d gone, but last time I did 30 miles I was about 15 lbs heavier and in not as good of shape as I’m in now, so I thought I’d be good to go. I was wrong.

I did a lot of things wrong yesterday. I wore all black, didn’t bring enough water and we left around 11:15 when it was really starting to get hot.

But here’s the kicker…the thing we did not take into account. It’s fucking up hill ALL the way. I mean there are short stints of downhill, but I’d say the down hill was maybe a combined total of 1.5 miles out of the 19.6. Not all of it was intense hills, but if it wasn’t an intense hill, it was a gradual incline. There were many times when I’d look down at my bike computer and see I was going between 5-6 mph. I’m pretty sure old arthritic men walk at a faster clip than that.

I knew I was in trouble after the first 3 miles. I was feeling “off”, but what was I going to do, turn around? I’m sure everyone’s been in that space of feeling crappy while working out. You start to ask yourself, am I feeling bad because I’m genuinely feeling like crap, or am I just being a pansy. Essentially, is this crap-tastic feeling physical or mental? By mile 7 I could tell it was definitely physical, but we weren’t going to turn around and we were supposed to be meeting friends at the start of a trail head, so we pressed on. At about mile 8 we realized Google Maps played a cruel joke on us and told us the wrong directions to the Northwest Lakewood Sanitation Center…the place where all good friends meet, right? We had to maneuver a bit out of the way and ended up over an hour late on meeting our friends. So when we got to the NW Lakewood Sanitation center, the place where all good friends meet, they weren’t there, naturally. At this point I’m feeling bad, real bad, but fortunately now we were on a really pretty bike path that ran along the clear creek instead of the roads..

Mile 13-included stopping and whining and drinking water and cursing the sun
Mile 13.2-more stopping and whining and drinking water and cursing my decision to wear all black (Scott later said that I might as well have had a solar panel on my back) he was right
Mile 15-More of the same crap except this time I felt like I was having a panic attack because it was so hot and I was so dehydrated and I felt my throat literally closing. I freaked the F out cause…hello, throat closing! When my breath returned back to normal, we continued only to find the largest of all the hills awaiting us. All I could see in the distance was the winding of the hill with no downhill in sight. We’re almost at the foothills by this point.
Mile 16- I start crying a little as I peddle up a large hill.
Mile 16.1-Get off my bike and have a full on 2 yr old tantrum which includes telling my husband to “GO, just GO, I don’t want to hold you up.” Even though he never said one time I was holding him up.

The rest of the ride into Golden was a blur. I remember Scott egging me on saying “you’ll get to recharge with a cold beer when we get there.” That’s how I knew I was in real trouble, because normally that would spur me on, but the thought of beer made me even more sick.

When we got there, we found our friends on the patio. Scott went inside to get beers and water while I sat out on the picnic benches. About a minute after I sat down I started to feel sick. I got up to go inside to meet scott and that’s when the tunnel vision started. I walked into the cool a/c and sat down and started to breathe really heavy. Scott asked if I was ok and I remember saying, no, I need help and told him my vision was blurry and closing in. I’m sure he thought I’d be fine because I’d just spent the past 2 or so hours complaining. He sat next to me and told me to breathe, then he turned around and that’s when I guess I fell out of my chair and on to the hard CONCRETE floor and hit my head. Scott said he caught me about mid-fall and my head only hit the floor from about 7-8 inches up...a foot max, I'm sure. The strange thing about fainting is that when you wake up you feel like you’ve been out for an eternity.

I woke up to Scott slapping my face (total movie style) and saying Katy, open your eyes, wake up. I was totally confused and remember asking if I was on the ground. Yup, I was! Scott sat me up, and that’s when the tears started. It’s a humbling experience fainting in a bar. I don’t recommend it. The kind people at Golden City Brewery called 911 just before I woke up, but then when I woke up they hung up. So 911 called back and I overheard an employee say that they needed an ambulance. I said NO NO NO, no ambulance! I’m fine. Even though I was clearly not fine, I didn’t need sirens carting my spandexed ass to a hospital. No ambulance came, thank god.

And then scott forced me to eat chips and salsa
And then I drank my weight in water
And then I threw up
And then after about an hour and a half…we were driven home.

And that concludes one of the weirdest days of my life.

The End.

PS- weigh in day is tomorrow! Don't forget to send me your weight.