Yesterday was a LONG day. It was a LONG day that I knew would be followed by a workout starting at oh... 7:30 and not ending until 8:30pm. I don't know about you, but finishing a workout at 8:30 is almost as painful as getting up the next morning at 4:30 to do it all over again. I hate late workouts. I hate early morning workouts too. I think my prime time is like 10:00am. Hmm, how can I make that happen?
So after yesterdays antics of having a mental breakdown about this whole thing I was just NOT feeling the gym. But I put on my workout clothes and we headed out anyways. In the car I was so cranky I thought I was going to explode. I think I said I can't do this today like 3 times and I think Scott knew I was serious because instead of trying to talk me into it, he asked if I wanted him to drop me back off at home. Oh how I just wanted to retreat to my bed and go to sleep. I would have only felt mildly guilty. I stewed in my head for a good 5 minutes just growing angrier until finally I just gave in and decided to just suck it up and do it. Instead of doing our scheduled upper body workout though, I decided I needed a good hard sweaty cardio workout. I needed to just sweat and huff and puff this negativity literally out of me. I did the stair climber and the rowing machiene and then I sat in the hotter than hell wet sauna and sweat so much. I watched the sweat drip off my forehead and nose and just sat there and breathed in the steam. It was theraputic in a way I didn't imagine.
I told myself that I could do this. I told myself that I had become a different person. I wasn't that girl who sat on the couch anymore and ate to numb every little emotion. I knew that my instinct to this shit coming up was to eat my way through it, but I knew deep down that wouldn't help. Yesterday I chose something different. I just chose to try and completely different approach to stress and anxiety. I sweat it out. I actually listened to what my body needed and did it. My body didn't need sugar, and it didn't need to lay in bed and wallow, it needed to work hard to proove to my mind that we can do this now.
After our Sunday free day we're always up at least a couple pounds and then it takes a few days to get back to normal, then another few days to actually lose weight for the week. It's Thursday and I'm still up 3 pounds. It's frustrating, but not completely unexpected. As I sat there in the sauna sweating from pores I hadn't sweat from since 7th grade I made a promise to myself to not weigh until Sunday and to work as hard as I could to still eek out a loss for the week. I want to make up for the begining of the week by busting my ass for the next 3 days. Then whatever shows up on the scale, shows up and I'll be fine with it. But I can't in good consience let this week go buy with out giving it my best. Bad sentence structure, I know.
I'm really proud of my self right now. I chose something different yesterday that was the complete opposite of how I'd normally handle tough situations. It makes me believe a little more that I can not only do this, but really finish strong and continue on the best that I can.