Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Body for Life-day 51. Gym Rat Edition

Yesterday was such a nice day. I wanted to be outside for my workout. I can't wait to be that girl in those cute Nike shorts running around Wash Park. But right now, that's not me. I have a pair of those cute Nike shorts, but I never wear them. At first when I bought them they were way.to.tight.to.be.cute. Now, they're not tight, but I still don't wear them. Not sure why.

Right now, me and the gym are still having an affair. Every day we sweat. We roll around on the floor moaning too. Just this morning the gym was helping me workout a hip flexor kink. I've spent a LOT of time in the gym. A LOT. There are quite a few characters in this play I've been acting out for 7 weeks. There are some regulars I've come to rely on for my daily dose of gym entertainment. Here are a few, in no particular order.

Pink Shorts
Every morning she's on the stair climber in her pink shorts. She's in those shorts you can buy for $7.00 at sports authority that come in a rainbow of colors. The ones we used to roll over in gym class in Jr. High. Remember? She hauls ass on that stair climber. I think one day I'm going to tell her about muscle confusion and how it may behoove her to look into something different.

I'm legitimately scared of this juicer. For realzies, he's like a bear. He's in the gym nearly every evening. He wears one of those "cool guy" hats where the rim is cocked to the side and perfectly straight. He also smells like a gym sock roasted in a ziplock bag in the sun for a month. He has lots of lady friends he chats up every day. I don't know how this is possible being as though I couldn't get within 3 feet of him without wanting to dry heave. The first time I saw him, he was pumping iron in a common walkway of the gym. A gym employee was trying to get around him and disrupted his "flow." He went OFF on the poor little 24 hr fitness employee and then proceeded to tell all of his lady friends how that bastard just walked right in front of him when he was doing his set. I heard the story like 4 times that evening. Blah blah blah. Seriously though, I'm scared of him. I pretend he's murdered everyone who looks at him cross, so I just try and stay out of his stinky path.

Pocket Rocket
She's about 5'1, the color of a penny and ripped like Jesus. There's not much to say about her. I can't help but stare at her though every time she walks past. She's not particularly cute, but I just can't get over her size. She's tiny and huge at the same time. Last night she was doing the roman chair. Hello...abs.

She has a very obvious weave and very obvious vagina. I'll keep it PG-13, but I soooo don't want to. She wears the lowest cut workout pants I've ever seen. I know for a fact that she waxes regularly and any lower and I'd. k-nevermind. I wish you could see this girl. She's got an amazing body and everyone in the 85203 zip code knows it. I don't know how she even works out in that get-up. It's like the equivalent of lil' kim running on the treadmill wearing that famous nipple cover dress. I'd just be checking constantly to make sure my cha cha wasn't peaking out. Whatever makes her happy though.


  1. ha ha! I guess this is what I miss by not having a gym membership ;-)

    Great work girl, you'll be strutting those shorts with pride in no time!

  2. That's awesome. Some of why I have such a hard time using gyms... -Ken

  3. You killed me with this post. I'm dying with laughter, Kate. Love you. and the gym regulars. ;)

    We have a Roids at our gym too. He dangles his nasty cycling shoes on the handle bars of the spin bike. Walks out to the gym floor to do a couple more sets before spin class starts, then he graces us with his foul odor, right before the teacher shuts the door to begin class. It's pretty vile.

  4. best.sentence.ever: She's about 5'1, the color of a penny and ripped like Jesus

  5. LOL!!! This was great. A gym soap opera!!!

  6. I agree with Megs: Best blog post ever! :)